Driving Lessons with Satan(Part 1)

I'm going to be brutally honest. My driving instructor was downright terrible. He's either the reincarnation of the devil or Satan himself. I'm inclined to believe it's the latter. For the purposes of this article, I'll refer to him as Satan. 

For a month or so, I had been searching for a cheap driving school for a while at that point but none of them really fit the bill. Most of the driving schools were either too expensive or too far with no transport provided. Another problem was getting the right instructor. They either couldn't speak English or seemed kinda sketchy/scary. 

That's when my dad met Satan. My dad was at usual barber shop getting a hair cut and Satan happened to be sitting beside him. They exchanged numbers and we called him up for details later. Let me just tell you that it was cheap. Like really really cheap.  The full price was RM 1300 for a manual car license and an extra RM 160 if you want guarantee pass. In comparison, most of my Kuantan friends paid anywhere between RM 1500-RM 1800 and my friend in KL paid over RM 2000 without guarantee pass. Plus, he could speak (broken)English and Malay and Mandarin. We thought "This is perfect!" and signed up.

This marked the beginning of my days in hell.

My mom had taught me a little on her own before to save money and time so for the first 2-3 lessons, it was fine because I (kind of) knew how to drive. I guess you could call it the calm before the storm. 

For the lessons after that, he decided it was time for me to take on the dreaded slope/bukit. Satan sat beside me and started giving me instructions. He made me do like three or four things at once which is fudging crazy. Satan's actual instructions for moving after parking at the top of the hill:

1. Let go of the clutch until the car starts to shake.
2. Release the hand brake but hold it in place. 
3. Press the accelerator until the RPM goes to 4000.
4. Release the hand brake completely.

Of course as it was my first time doing the hill test, the car stalled and died. Mainly, it was because I accidentally releasing the clutch too much while I struggled to release the hand brake because I'm weak as shit. Satan went fudging ballistic and shouted his lungs out at me. 

IF YOU FOLLOWED MY INSTRUCTIONS YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO IT BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW! STUBBORN! 

THIS HILL TEST SO EASY ALSO YOU CANNOT YOU FOR SURE FAIL THE JPJ TEST!!!! LIKE THIS YOU CANNOT TAKE THE TEST!

He acted like the hill test was something he's been able to do since he was in the womb. =__=  

My next few attempts, accompanied by a cacophony of deafening shouting on the part of Satan, were equally unsuccessful. Sometimes I really wonder if he was so completely twisted that he thought shouting at me would actually help me. Pro Tip: It doesn't help you douche.

I'll talk more about his shitty antics in Driving Lessons with Satan(Part 2) 

because if I try to cover anything now this post will end up too damn long.